please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
All I want is dick and wine.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
