Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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