I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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