mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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