im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
