Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
