alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
