whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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