I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
