i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
