I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
