Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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