Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
