She's JV to your varsity
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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