K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
