I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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