THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
