Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
