Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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