did you get engaged???
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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