for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize