He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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