time to smoke my breakfast
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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