note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dear god my vagina.
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