Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
