I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sext me about skeletons
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
