Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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