Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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