I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
