remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
