It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
