Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My ATM looks so different sober.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
