So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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