she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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