So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
