Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
