what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
