If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
