where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
