we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
