We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
