the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
