You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
