what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
