We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
