just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
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he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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