I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
