First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
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I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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