My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
