ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
