Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
