Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
