All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
