wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
