When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
