I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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