Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
