Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
