i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
