Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
