I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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