i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you never un-have a 4some
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
