We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
