how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
