wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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