literally had 100 drinks last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
