So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
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Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.