Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.