How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
