I have demons in me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
