My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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